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1. To have one category show as default or hide a category. reason: I have proposed and confirmed categories but only want the confirmed category to show, this could be done by not having the proposed category show on the main calendar or having only the confirmed show as default
You'd better to look HTML generated by piCal once.
You'll find "class" named the same as the category's title.
All you have to do is adding a description about the class into style.css
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2. to have the category ($cat_titles4show) show in the events list instead of the status, I think its in pical.php around line 1690 but not sure what to edit
Do you mean "list view" ?
If so, you can edit the template.
Though I don't remember piCal assigns category's title or not...